I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
