My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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