When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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