it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize