Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
