So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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