About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
that is very illegal...i love you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize