I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
