just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
