I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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