pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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