I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
