ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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