i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
