Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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