i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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