he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
