I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
