When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
