Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
