It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
