I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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