I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
