I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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