Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
