I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
