And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
