I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
they're like a gay fantastic four
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
