One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
