Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
