My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
