She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
