just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
