Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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