Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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