jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
