I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
