are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
