I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My cat gives me a boner
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
