Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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