I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
