i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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