I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
