$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
My legs feel like baby dolphins
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
