There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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