It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
