I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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