Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
