i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize