she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we're so committed to being not committed
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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