dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
