I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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