I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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