The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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