I want to have your abortion
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
