sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize