i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
