Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
