his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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