I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
