Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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