Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
