This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
