In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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