Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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