If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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