I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Less talking, more tequila
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
