Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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