They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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