Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize