So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
