the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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