I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
