It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
