you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize