Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
