it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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