The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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