Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
