I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
