Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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