my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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