I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize