Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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