maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize