false alarm. still invincible.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
