I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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