Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
