theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
