i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
