You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize