Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
His hands were made for my vagina.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
