Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
