did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
