my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
