It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i need some magic done to my vagina
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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