I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
