just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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