just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
