We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
