Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
