I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
