i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
