Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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