All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
