did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
