I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
