What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's shark week go big or go home
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
