he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
