Don't you send me to vm
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
