We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
